Rejoice, all you bird lovers on BT’s campus! No more will students have to gaze upon the putrescent and “hawkward” corpora of our fallen avian compatriots! With the help of the “im-peck-able” bird advocates Dr. Low, Dr. Ramert, Mrs. Harms, Mr. Harrell, Hutchings Reumann, and yours truly, we have swayed the leaders of our pulchritudinous (though quite a bit treacherous to our feathered friends) campus to implement updated measures that will protect our flying kin. Gone are the provocative hawk decalcomania that had so distressed our native robin population, luring them in to their untimely demise against the cold, “unpheasant” window of death. Instead, plans have been hatched to employ the awe-inspiring abilities of UV-reflecting decals to repel birds, using a visual deterrent not unlike the hand of God, gently showing the avians the way by displaying a flash of light whenever the bird casts its gaze upon the forbidden surface. It might sound like a bit of “ostrich”, but we are sure it will aid our grounds.

Before this sumptuous feat can spread its wings, however, there must be a “swift” trial period, where Mrs. Harms will test the UV decals and UV liquid (both plausible deterrents) on pieces of glass, in order to visualize how it will manifest on our windows.  Hopefully, our campus can take a “tern” for the better with these changes, and there will be no “egrets” with the solution we have put into motion. Until then, we must bear the “birden” of the “ill-eagle” slaughter of our winged family in our hearts, and anxiously await the time that our solution can soar.