Nikola Tesla, Nelson Mandela, Joan of Arc—all of these are people who were misunderstood in their time. Whether it is being burned at the stake or unjustly imprisoned, we can look back at their persecution and laugh at how foolish and backward people used to be. “I wouldn’t have supported apartheid!” “I wouldn’t have burned someone alive!” These claims are easy to make, but hard to prove. The only solution to this moral quandary I could think of came in the form of a test: finding unjust persecution in the modern world and attempting to end it. After many sleepless nights, I found my man. He is a chef who is currently facing backlash due to his multiple (minor) counts of grand larceny and animal abuse. He likes to sit on top of dogs and take things that do not belong to him without the permission of their rightful owners, but that doesn’t make him a bad guy. I am trying to clear the name and public image of Louie from the Pikmin series. 

I tried to communicate with the masses and espouse Louie’s innocence through the disastrous #Savelouie2023 campaign, but the public was not ready to hear my message.

Throughout the Pikmin franchise, Louie’s nineteen year reign of terror is largely ubiquitous. With the exception of the first installment, the core plot of all Pikmin games seem to involve Louie’s antics to some extent, which is reflected in the game’s in-game bestiary, the piklopedia. As treasures are accrued and monsters are killed, the entries grow and descriptions from various characters are added. Starting in Pikmin 2 (2004,) entries in the piklopedia would be added from Louie’s point of view as a bonus for those who completed the game. In spite of their inclusion in every Piklopedia, Louie’s articles are atypical. He doesn’t write descriptions like most other characters; instead, he writes recipes. He includes a description of how to cook each in-game enemy. This merits a question: he can steal, he can use a giant spider to hunt his enemies, but can Louie cook? And can his public image finally be restored?

To answer this question, I have arranged five guinea pig volunteers: Jace Savory (class of 2025,) Fruzsina Roka (class of 2025,) Anna Khan (class of 2024,) Matt Schinzel (class of 2024,) Luke Knofczynski (class of 2024,) and Hutch Reumann (class of 2025.) They do not know what they are gathered for, only that their input is wanted. I will go course by course and gather their reactions and will ultimately be left with 1-5 star ratings for all three courses. 

Appetizer:
-Name of Creature – Grubchucker
-Louie’s Recipe – Pluck off the lips, and serve with lemon and salt as an appetizer. Coat the arms and legs with plenty of miso for a full-course dinner in a shell.
-Normal(ish) Recipe – Blue crab with miso and lemon sauce

Soup:
-Name of Creature – Dwarf Bulborb
-Louie’s Recipe – For a blissful bisque, mince the entire beast finely and stir in with heavy cream, artichoke hearts, and a pinch of black pepper. Heat slowly until piping hot. Mmm… Rich and creamy!
-Normal(ish) Recipe –  Artichoke and chicken bisque

Entre:
-Name of Creature – Burrowing Snagret
-Louie’s Recipe – Slice the serpentine torso into thin medallions, skewer on a metal rod with Hocotate onions, and barbeque over an open flame.
-Normal(ish) Recipe – Chicken, salmon and onion kebabs

I got together with co-author and sous chef Hutch Reumann and spent between five to six hours cooking. I fully expected multiple of our three dishes to be abjectly terrible, but, to my surprise, they all turned out alright (at least in my estimation). Sure, the kebabs felt like human skin prior to being cooked and sure, the bisque didn’t reduce far enough and therefore had a significant white wine aftertaste, but that was all secondary. Not only was the food done, but a bystander could reasonably assume it was food. 

After a full night in the fridge and a two hour period for each dish to warm in the passenger seat of my car, it was finally time for the taste test. Our appetizer was up first and was easily the worst received of the three. As it would turn out, blue crab warmed in a hot car and paired with a miso sauce that looked like pond water was not appetizing. About half of all volunteers rated the dish at a one out of five and many claimed it to be inedible. Louie had not led me astray, I had simply failed to convey his genius. It was time for the entree. I had forgotten to bring utensils, or cups, but that didn’t stop me from serving the soup. Ladling spoonfuls of car-bisque into the mouths of my friends and classmates not only helped everyone get into the spirit of Louie and his deranged shenanigans, but also improved their ratings. The bisque garnered a solid three out of five from most volunteers. Finally, we came to the kebabs, which I expected to be a disaster. Forming overcooked salmon and unseasoned chicken into meatballs felt like a mistake, but they were about as well received as the soup, leaving the tasting a surprise success. When asked about Louie, fellow Verbatim staff writer TG Su commented “who?” Louie’s reputation was restored (probably) thanks entirely to me, and I expect to be credited in the next Pikmin game for my efforts. Nintendo, the ball is in your court.

Works Cited:
Hino, Shigefumi: Pikmin 2, 2004
Kando, Yuji: Pikmin 4, 2023

Special Thanks, (in alphabetical order):
-Jordan Hasse
-Anna Khan
-Hudson McCafferty
-Fruzsina “Kaz” Roka
-Jace Savory
-Matt Schinzel
-TG Su